My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
