is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
