I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
