when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
