The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
