Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
A+ Viking dick
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
