That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
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I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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