The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
