i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
