I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
