Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
In America we eat man semen.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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