I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
