Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
