Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
