If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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