No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
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You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
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He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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