my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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