Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
