Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
