you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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