i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
love makes seman taste better
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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