I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I love having hate sex.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
