So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
