This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
