Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
