I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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