let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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