Operation Purity has been aborted
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
