I just cut my nipple shaving
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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