guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
