oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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