Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
thus making me awesome and them whores
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
