Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
