he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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