soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
