this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
