Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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