I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
