We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Your penis caused this!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
