Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
