Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
it's great music for shaving your balls
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
