That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
