I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
