he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
