We're facebook friends in real life
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
