the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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