i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
