Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
