i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
