Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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