I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
