do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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