I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
