Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
