In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
