I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
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The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
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The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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