Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
