i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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