you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize