dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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