Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
