I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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