ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
