Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
