Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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