I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
