she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
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Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me