I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.