Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.