It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.