piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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