So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just pee around me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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