Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
