Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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