I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
