I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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