i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
