dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
