You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
