He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
