I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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