i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
