You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My breasts were aching with rage.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
