Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
