I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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